id be glad to
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
