i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
