i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize