I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
