i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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