So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
