I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
