do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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