3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
