she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
