Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
