I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
