YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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