dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize