can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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