She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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