A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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