do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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