How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
