Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
