I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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