you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
