I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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