Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
