I accidentally had phone sex last night
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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