Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
