This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
