Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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