I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
