yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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