I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
