A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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