No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
