I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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