i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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