I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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