tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
