Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
