You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
