It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
