just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize