I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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