Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
