I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
