this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
