one might say we're banned from that church
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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