Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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