eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
