Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize