3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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