my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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