He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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