Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
