I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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