I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
