Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
