Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
