dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I would fuck him just for his dog
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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