he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
