Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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