No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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