Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize