she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
