Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
