thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
