first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
