I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
