gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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