I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
