Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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