I'm really into asian looking animals
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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