we have officially lost it.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
