I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
