Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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