I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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