forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
