i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
