Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
