So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
