I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
