I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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