someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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