One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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