im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
