O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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