So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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