I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ketchup is God's man juice
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
