if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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