dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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