You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
