hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize