Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
