Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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