my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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