Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
