WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
