Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
