Having a random hookup so left but love u
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
